Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
