I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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