just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
