Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
