Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
