shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
