The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
