I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
