Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
