in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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