A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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