So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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