she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
