I want to make a zoo with you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
