i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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