this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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