Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
