my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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