if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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