Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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