Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
