where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
