I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
