from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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