i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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