Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
