Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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