just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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