What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
