dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your penis caused this!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
