I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
