I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
