Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
