I looked at my own cervix.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
