Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
