I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
