I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
