haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
