I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
