I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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