Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize