its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
