She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
