I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
