he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
