Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
