that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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