hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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