i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
