nut hugger
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
