The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
