haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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