Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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