I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
