i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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