Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
