I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
