There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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