Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
