just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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